Every time I open my Instagram app, read a magazine or walk into a beauty store, my eyes never miss seeing the word self-care. It has suddenly morphed into a life of its own, and the marketing world has run with it, pretty much whitewashing the concept. The term self-care traces its roots all the way back to the time of the legendary Greek philosopher Socrates. But in the 1980s, the term was re-introduced in modern society by a black feminist writer and poet, Audre Lorde. She wrote about self-care as a way for marginalised people to take care of themselves in a world that did not seem to care about them. I bet Audre Lorde would be disappointed to see how whitewashed and commercialised the whole concept of self-care has now turned into.
I started taking an interest in self-care when I gave birth to my daughter. I struggled with postnatal depression and anxiety, which really crippled me. Throw in the fact I had no family living nearby to lend a hand, and my mental and physical state was affected. After struggling for a few months, I reached a point where I knew I had to put things in place to support my well-being. This is when I became engrossed and embraced the concept of ‘’self-care’’. But to my surprise, when I delved deeper into it, I realised that much of what was being dubbed as self-care was mainly aimed at white women/mothers. And I say this because several articles in well-known magazines, newspapers, TV, and many influencers used for campaigns on social media seemed/seem to feature white women/mothers to showcase what self-care is. Where was/is the representation?
It got me thinking, ‘’does the marketing world or media not think that black women/mothers need self-care too’’? ‘’Is it not for us as well’’?. This led me to converse with a dear friend, a journalist for a well-known newspaper, to try and get her take on this. I can always expect her to be blunt with me. Let me add that this friend is white. She shared something that saddened me but ultimately did not shock me. She said that just like the unconscious bias that says black women/mothers are strong and leading to black women/mothers suffering worse outcomes when it comes to maternal health and mental health, that same bias runs within some circles of the media and the marketing world.
As black women/mothers, we are still not seen as soft, fragile and needing help. We are perceived to be strong and resilient. So the world around us, in many cases, does not consider us when it comes to anything concerning our well-being. We somewhat have to go along with and adapt to what the world around us says is self-care. But I refuse to go along with this narrative and urge my fellow black women and mothers to define our own version of self-care. As long as it enhances our well-being, that is what matters.
